


Something's Gotta Give

by PhoenixRising360



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, First Time, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-10 06:00:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3279380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixRising360/pseuds/PhoenixRising360
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the day before Valentine's Day and Gibbs and Tony are each reflecting on their relationships and each other.</p><p>Inspired by and written for NFA's "My Slashy Valentine" challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Leroy Jethro Gibbs looked around the coffee shop, his eyes idly glossing over the Valentine's Day display of coffee mugs, bags of specialty coffees, pastries and candies. His nostrils flared almost imperceptibly to the casual onlooker. But to him, it was like his face twisted into a snarl. God, he hated Valentine's Day. It was another reminder in a long list of how he had failed…failed Shannon and Kelly, failed Rebecca, failed Diane, failed Stephanie and failed every relationship afterward. He remembered in stinging detail how pissy all three ex-wives would get if he had to work Valentine's Day and most of them he did have to work. He managed to remember once to send Stephanie flowers on that day but he still ended up having to work and she was pissy anyway, albeit, slightly less pissy about it than she would've been if he hadn't.

He reached the front of the line and ordered his coffee. As he waited, he wondered if he really was going to spend the rest of his life alone. He thought about the work he had done in his free time, cleaning out the attic, even going into Kelly's room to face the ghosts of his past. Shannon's and Kelly's old clothes were yellowed with age, not even usable. If Shannon were alive, she'd have probably scolded him for keeping them so long, so he had thrown them out, not without shedding a few tears doing it, but he had been alone at the time and no one knew it but him. God, he missed them, always would but still…it was time to move on, maybe even open his heart again.

He heard his name called and got his coffee. The thought of opening his heart again both excited and scared him. Excited him because he missed the quiet intimacy of marriage (the times no one was mad at each other) but scared because the one person he thought he could open his heart to was the one person in the entire world that would be the least bit interested in him…in that way anyway.

A vision of Tony DiNozzo sitting on his basement steps watching him sand, carve, measure or cut wood for his various projects floated in his mind's eye. He seemed so fascinated by it that he had started to ask questions about the tools, the wood itself, why Gibbs had chosen a particular design to carve and Gibbs offered to teach him. Tony had quietly taken him up on that, learned to sand, learned about different types of wood and what they were good for. About a week ago, Tony had helped him cut boards for a bookcase Gibbs was working on in his free time. Like with everything Tony put his mind to, he was a fast learner and if he worked at it, he would be as good at woodworking as he was everything else he did. Not for the first time, Gibbs wondered at his interest in it. Woodworking just didn't seem like something Tony would be interested in. He seemed more interested in pop culture given how many movies he watched; women definitely, given how many times over the years he'd whistled while he worked, an obvious tell that he got laid the night before. Try as he might, Gibbs couldn't really begrudge him that…not really…if he turned his head and squinted the right away. Weren't all men insatiably horny? He had three ex-wives that bespoke of that. In the last few years, his libido held less of a grip on him than it had when he was younger, and in the last year he just had given up on women at all but he still jerked off a lot. Come to think of it though, in the last year or so, Tony had whistled a whole lot less than he used to, maybe the one night stands weren't cutting it for him anymore. Not that Gibbs could talk. He'd had a few himself over the years. It took the edge off, made the world look a little less hellfire red some days, especially after a bad case, but would never be satisfying. The loneliness stung him again. He would rather have a steady relationship. With Tony. As if that would ever happen. _Move on, Marine. Never going to happen._

Gibbs hardly remembered the drive to the Navy Yard as he was so engrossed in his thoughts and he cursed at himself. Driving on automatic pilot, even a short distance, was reckless. He was glad he made it with no one getting hurt because he was distracted. He really needed to stop thinking so much. He'd always been a thinker but the last six months or so, it'd been worse. _Has to be the loneliness,_ he thought. Left him too much time. He knew he had to make some changes. If only Tony could see him as more than a mentor or a friend. But no, he talked about women. How many times over the years had he watched the man's eyes as they admired, leered and openly lusted at them? Not that Gibbs didn't. He could appreciate a beautiful woman as much as the next guy, and did, though he was more subtle than Tony about it, but he admired men too. They were quieter, usually, for starters. Hard bodies, hard strength, angles instead of curves. They could handle a little rough tumble or just plain rough and the freedom of that was intoxicating. Women required a gentler touch so he wouldn't hurt them. With men, he could let go in a way he couldn't with women and that was exciting and intense in a way being with women wasn't. After every divorce, he went out of town for the night to pick up a guy for a hookup, needing that rough physical and mental release where he didn't have to hold back. Since recognizing the pattern of his behavior and realized he was trying to replace Shannon, he had stopped seeking out women. Besides, the three exes had made it clear he had nothing to give them except a lot of time alone and heartbreak. If only he could find someone - man or woman - who could A) Make him forget about Tony and B) Understood the job and why he needed to do it and C) Wouldn't resent how much time he spent at work.

Except for that hellish time he got blown up and forgot everyone and had to relive Shannon and Kelly's deaths all over again, he didn't hold out much hope of A since he worked with him every day. B and C were even bleaker.


	2. Chapter 2

When Gibbs reached the bullpen, Ziva, Tony and Tim were all at their desks. Ziva muttered in Hebrew at her computer. Tim watched her, wincing as she treated her keyboard like it was the enemy and waited for her to ask for help with the problem and Tony ignored both and read from a case file. They greeted him when he arrived at his desk and he gave them a curt nod in greeting, none of them expecting more. He looked at the pile of paperwork on his desk and sighed. _Did the job have to be so all-consuming with paperwork?_ Gibbs was grateful Tony handled as much of it as he did since he knew Tony hated too but there was still a lot only the team lead could do. He'd better get on with it. Vance had been on him about getting it caught up. Gibbs would let it go indefinitely if he could get away with it. Vance never let him get away with it.

He looked up and around, trying to distract himself from his thoughts. The bullpen was unusually quiet this morning, absent was the usual banter that his three agents usually engaged in. As he directed his gaze to each in turn, he noticed that none of the three were even looking at each other. Tim looked annoyed. Ziva was angry and taking it out on her computer. Tony…he just looked sad.

Ziva drew his attention first as she viciously slammed the keys on her keyboard and it scraped across her desk. She cursed in Hebrew a little louder than she normally did. "McGee," she snapped. "Fix this."

"Problem?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

"Tony put this ridiculous program on my computer that plays this ridiculous song every half hour. I cannot shut it off."

"I told you I haven't touched your computer." Tony defended, his eyes hurt at being accused.

"It had to be you. No one else would be so immature."

Tony sighed. "I pulled that prank on you already…years ago," he pointed out and nodded toward her computer. "That's only funny the first time. Now, it's just mildly nostalgic but mostly annoying."

"You really expect me to believe that?" she snapped.

Tony slammed his pen down on his desk. "Yeah, actually, I do. When was the last time I pulled a prank on you?"

"Exactly, that is how I know it is you."

Tim waved Ziva out of her chair and he sat down to figure out what was going on. A few minutes later, he frowned and looked up at Ziva. "Uh Ziva, Tony's telling the truth, he didn't do this."

"How do you know that?"

"Ran a trace to figure out where it came from. It came from in the building but it came from Abby's work station."

Ziva snorted. "So he set it up from Abby's computer to throw us off his trail. She wouldn't do something so immature."

Tim raised an eyebrow but before he could say anything, Tony huffed. "You really think Abby would let me near her computer? She would break my fingers before I even got close."

"He has a point, Ziva. I'm only allowed to use her computer if it's something beyond her skills and only if it's for a case."

"Why would she do this? The song is silly, ridiculous and more along the lines of something you would do," she spit out, glaring at Tony.

"What is the song?"

"I do not know what it is called, it sounds like a children's song about Valentine's Day and friendship and love. It is ridiculous!"

Tim's hands flew across the keyboard again and he turned the volume up on her speakers so everyone could hear the song. They listened for several seconds before Ziva snapped. "Please shut it off. It is annoying."

"I think it's cute," Tim said. "This is so like something Abby would do."

"I do not believe it. Why would she do this?"

"Ask her, Zee-vah!" Tony snapped.

She gave him a look that could kill. "I will."

Tim disabled the program so it wouldn't play anymore with a sigh. Ziva, still scowling, headed toward the elevator. Tony's face didn't change. He still looked sad.

"Come to think of it," Tim spoke up. "You haven't pulled any pranks on me in a few weeks," Tim said. "And the last one I actually liked. Nothing quite like opening your desk drawer to find everything buried under a pile of fun size Nutter Butters. I haven't even finished those yet."

That finally elicited a chuckle from Tony. "Actually, I did that to cover up the smell of your keyboard cleaner. Been easier to breathe since I did that."

Tim grimaced. "Why didn't you tell me it bothered your lungs? I'd have found a brand that wasn't so strong."

"It's okay, McNutter Butter. It worked."

Tim sighed and gave Tony a look. "So much for thinking it was the first nice prank ever. Should've known you'd have an ulterior motive."

Tony grinned. "It was a nice prank. I could've chosen something you hated. If you're lucky, I might even do it again…someday."

Gibbs glanced over at Tony. Something was definitely up with him.

That was confirmed when Tim spoke. "Okay, who are you and what did you do with Tony?" Tim's eyes narrowed when Tony rolled his eyes. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing, McWorryWart. You know, it has been a while since I super-glued your keyboard. That never gets old and always worthy of a repeat performance." He grinned at the thought.

Tim rolled his eyes but dropped it. "I'd better keep Ziva from killing Abby." He pointed at Tony. "Don't come near my keyboard!"

Tony chuckled as Tim left. Once he was gone, the amusement fell and he turned back to his case.

Gibbs got up, walked over to Tony's desk and sat on the edge. Tony looked up. "What's going on, DiNozzo?"

Tony shrugged. "I didn't put that program on her computer."

"I know." Gibbs waited, knowing what it took to get Tony to talk.

"But why didn't she believe me when I said I didn't do it? Since when do I not laugh at them when I pull a prank?"

He didn't get a chance to answer because Ziva reappeared, considerably less angry than before but still irritated and maybe even a little chastened. She sat down at her desk, took a sip of her tea and got back to work without a word.

Gibbs returned to his own desk and Tony looked up at Ziva. "So, why did she do it?"

Ziva stopped typing abruptly, and gritted her teeth as she spoke, "I do not want to talk about it."

"So, now you know it wasn't me."

"Yes," she said with a touch of impatience and irritation.

"Maybe next time you'll believe me when I say I didn't do it."

"How can you blame me for thinking you did it? This is something you would do!" She lashed out, her words tight with anger.

"But I didn't do it and you assumed I did."

"If you had not set a precedent for it, I would not have thought you did it."

"Enough!" Gibbs barked. "Get to work."

Tim returned soon after and he too sat down and worked. Gibbs saw Tim give Tony a 'tell you later' look and Tony accepted it with a nod of acknowledgement.

The accusation obviously bothered Tony a lot, more than usual but the bickering wasn't going to resolve it and he didn't want to hear it. He'd had enough Valentine bitchiness to last him for years and even if that wasn't what she was bitching about, he didn't want any bitchiness in his hearing. Work had always been his haven from his wives when they were on the rampage and he'd be damned if he was going to let Ziva, or any woman for that matter, cut into that because she was pissed off for some reason.

Gibbs stole an occasional glance at Tony for a while after he shut up the bickering. To her credit, Ziva focused on work now that Tim had stopped the program Abby set and she ignored him. Tony, still quiet, also ignored her. At the moment he glanced up though, Tony was staring at his monitor and he had such a look of hopelessness on his face, it made his heart clench. _What the hell was he thinking that could be that bad?_ Gibbs tore his gaze away, lest he get caught and make Tony's mask come back up, which right now, he did not have the patience for. He hated Tony's masks but understood why he used them. He had his own also.

The more he thought about it though, Ziva could've handled it better. Ever since Tony had been accused of murder some years back, he visibly smarted anytime someone had accused him of doing something he hadn't done. Still, this was relatively minor and he usually let minor crap roll off his back. What was so different this time unless…

Gibbs looked over at Tony again and his eyes were back on Ziva. So much for thinking Tony was ignoring her. His eyes were hurt but there was something else there, something he couldn't quite identify. _Shit, was he in love with her?_ The sexual tension between them was an on again/off again thing though Gibbs thought it had been off for a while due to their respective relationships with EJ and Ray. Then again, both relationships had ended a while back. Tony had found out first-hand how disastrous it was to date a coworker; he couldn't imagine that Tony would rush back down that road, especially with someone he had to work with every day.

This brought him back full circle. That was exactly why he kept such an ironclad control over his own feelings. Couldn't get involved with someone he worked with. That was a recipe for disaster, even if Tony could be interested in him. Though as often as he thought about him anyway, he wondered if working with Tony would really be any different if they were involved. Both of them already freaked out if the other was hurt and both screamed at the other if one went off the reservation without backup. Gibbs chalked up Tony's reaction to his hero-worship and Tony never denied it, even took the teasing about it in his stride with a smile and shrug. Gibbs reaction to him getting hurt was another story. He smirked a little. Letting everyone, including Tony, believe that Abby was his favorite was a good cover. He did care deeply about her but she was actually the second favorite and a distant second at that, not that he'd ever tell her that. For all that, she had occasionally dropped a comment that hinted that she sensed Tony was his real favorite. She always said it with a smile or smirk so it was possible she even sensed his feelings for him. Part of what made Abby such a brilliant scientist was her perception and she had an almost sixth sense when it came to people she cared about. As far as Gibbs knew, he was the only one she couldn't get a full read on. Tony was the only other person she couldn't get a full read on but she had more successes at reading him than most did.

Gibbs managed to finish yet another form and started another. Only thing that got him through the tedium of paperwork were his thoughts but they kept wandering and his pen would stop moving for long moments as he got lost in his own head. Dammit, he had to get some work done but his thoughts were driving him crazy. Sitting at his desk gave him too much time to think. Since Valentine's Day fell on a Friday this year, Tim and Ziva had both requested time off and arranged for long weekends away so his team was off rotation since they'd worked the last three Valentine's days. Gibbs didn't care to work but his own loneliness made him feel a little empathetic toward his team. They deserved to have some time for relationships, even if he didn't have one. Was supposed to be a dry weekend at least so he could finish the bookcase and stain it, which would have to be done outside.

Damn, that was his big plan for the weekend? Part of him wanted to scream. He wanted Tony and couldn't have him and damn Valentine's Day to hell anyway. Whoever manufactured such a stupid holiday should get their ass kicked to hell and back. If you love someone why did it require a special day to show them? Shouldn't you show them every day?

Yeah, in theory…like he had made such a terrific effort to do so with his exes. He winced at the thought. _Payback,_ he reminded himself. Maybe there was such a thing as karma and he was getting his teeth kicked in now. Another reminder how he failed them. He rubbed a hand down his face. He had to snap out of this. He abruptly stood up. "Going for coffee," he growled as he headed for the break room.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony watched Gibbs walked away, his stride determined and seemingly angry. Not that it was so unusual but a little different lately. Something was eating at him and it showed. He drank more coffee than usual and not even griping about the break room coffee. Also, by looking in his eyes, not sleeping well. Tony knew Gibbs did actually sleep sometimes but never well or deeply. Of course, this was Gibbs, a force of nature unto himself. For the millionth time since he'd met the man, Tony wished he would open up a little and tell him what was going on in his head. But that wasn't who Gibbs was. He affectionately referred to Gibbs as a functional mute for a good reason but sometimes, like now, he wished he was less mute.

The logical part of his brain told him he must have talked some or how else would he have convinced four women to marry him? Never mind the fact that three of the four had ended bitterly. He knew Gibbs had caught his second wife in bed with another man and that was why that marriage had ended. He remembered Stephanie bitching at him for not talking to her. And Diane, well, that woman was so bitchy, he suspected that marriage ending was as much her fault as his. If she had nagged him every day, he wouldn't have talked to her either. _Wouldn't they have known before they married him what he was like?_ That was the one thing Tony couldn't wrap his head around. Not that it mattered what he thought anyway, if he wouldn't open up to the women he had married, there was no way in hell he'd ever open up to him. Even thinking about it was laughable. That was just not the kind of friendship they had, well at least in as much as a friendship Gibbs allowed.

Ziva broke the silence. "What's with him?" she asked, looking between Tim and Tony, seemingly forgetting her own irritation at Abby for the moment.

Both Tim and Tony shrugged. It was a rhetorical question.

"Does he not seem sad to you two?" Ziva's eyes were pained, as if it pained her to see him sad.

Tony shrugged again but didn't respond. He was not going to discuss Gibbs with her or anyone else. His unspoken rule: Never betray Gibbs. That rule was more important than ever now, he mused, a pang stinging his heart. He thought about the secrets he knew about Gibbs that he had kept quiet for so long, #1 being Shannon and Kelly. Before he came to work NCIS, he did a deep background check on his boss, too wary of being betrayed by another partner the way Danny had. He never ever told anyone he knew about Gibbs' first wife and daughter and pretended to be as surprised as everyone else. He had been stunned that no one else had known - he could tell by the glazed shock in their eyes that they really hadn't known. He could tell from talking to them that they had all believed he hadn't known either and that had also contributed to their shock. Right after that, Tony had noticed a subtle shift in attitude toward him. That Tony hadn't known meant that he wasn't as close to Gibbs as they had all once believed and as far as Tony knew, even Gibbs hadn't known he knew about Shannon and Kelly. He cared about and respected the man too much to throw that hurt in his face by telling him he'd ferreted out his secret. There were times that Tony suspected that Gibbs figured he'd known but neither man addressed it. Tony wondered if they might eventually but he wasn't going to activate that particular time bomb. No, if Gibbs wanted to, he would.

When Gibbs returned a few minutes later, he was back to his almost normal, stoic self, not as angry and not as sad. He'd tried to get a look in his eyes but Gibbs hadn't looked around and he focused on his paperwork again as he started writing on the form, almost viciously, like the paper was attacking him.

A smirk curled up on Tony's lips. The paperwork was attacking…with boredom. It was the perfect cure for insomnia. Maybe if Gibbs took some of his paperwork home at night, he'd sleep better. Okay, they weren't really allowed to do that but the thought amused him anyway.

A vision of Gibbs sleeping peacefully in his arms flashed in his mind and that familiar ache course through him. It was a dangerous way to think, especially at work. Most days, he was able to control it and kept dangerous thoughts about his boss far away from the forefront of his mind, but it was days like this…when Gibbs was on edge, that was harder. For so long he had held his feelings at bay but lately but it was getting harder to do. He was tired of pretending. Tired of wishing, wanting, needing, fantasizing. It wasn't enough. The disaster with EJ proved that. His relationship with her had taken the edge off his loneliness, at least for a little while but Gibbs' distrust of her had been justified and Tony had cursed himself for not listening to him. It seemed like such a good idea at the time and no one else had come closer to making him set aside his feelings for Gibbs and move on. Now though, hindsight being 20/20, he realized those feelings were never really set aside - just whispering in the background…if by whispering you mean screaming.

A wave of frustration welled up and that on top of his irritation over being accused of a prank he hadn't pulled just made him feel worse. He remembered that the following day was Valentine's Day and gritted his teeth. He would be alone and the loneliness was getting to him. Why was it so damn hard to find someone to love the way he wanted to love and be loved by? With a grimace, he realized if Tim and Ziva knew what he was thinking right now, they'd probably laugh. Tony DiNozzo not have a date for Valentine's Day…Tony DiNozzo was lonely…Tony DiNozzo unlucky at love? Yeah, very funny. He was in his 40s now and he was starting to look his age. Oh, he knew he was still a good looking guy but he'd lost the youthful edge that once drew women in droves. Now, he was just getting old and the fact that he was a bachelor did not bode well for the future. Women wondered what was wrong with a man who had never married by the time he reached his 40s. If he was divorced, he would be better off but after his father's serial marriages, he figured if he ever did, it would be one time and one time only.

He deliberately pushed thoughts about Wendy away. He was so not going to think about her if he wanted to keep any edge to his sanity. He'd been ready to get married back then and the desire to have a love that would make him want to marry was such a deep-seated ache that his soul screamed.

He swallowed hard as he recalled a couple of weeks back when he took a second shower that day just so he could cry under the hot spray. He seldom indulged in that release of emotion but he felt broken. If he didn't get it out, it would come out at the absolute worst possible time and the shower was the best case scenario. He always felt better after those showers; made it possible for him to get a grip. They only happened a couple of times a year, sometimes three if it was a bad year - with two exceptions. The first was the year Kate died. That year, he cried about ten times - the nightmares from having the plague and those damn blue lights, nightmares about Kate and Tim nearly getting blown up by that car bomb and then the nightmares of Kate getting shot and in those dreams, Gibbs and Tim were also shot and the grief over losing Kate - it was the grief more than anything else that had been his undoing. As much as they bickered, they still loved one another - Kate staying with him in isolation when she should've left was proof of that - it all piled up and with his weakened physical condition after the plague, well, something had to give.

The year Gibbs had been caught in that explosion and then went to Mexico had been the other bad year - a half dozen extra showers bad year. Just remembering Gibbs being gone filled him with loneliness. Never in his life had he missed someone so damn much except his mother and the few cherished memories of his mother were not as intense as the feelings he harbored for his 'second B for bastard' boss.

Unbidden, an image of Gibbs looking at him the way he'd seen him look at the various women he'd dated over the years came to mind and it took every ounce of will he had to push that thought away. He could not go there at work either. With Tim and Ziva and especially Gibbs sitting so close - just NO! Not happening. Despite his efforts to push the thought away…or perhaps because he tried to push it away, the image persisted and he shivered a little, fervently wished it could be true. After all this time though, it was painfully obvious his boss was not interested in men, or if (and that was a big if) he was, just not interested in him. Tony knew Gibbs liked him well enough to keep him on his six - they did have a friendship of sorts - one that Tony was deeply grateful for - but no sign that Gibbs could ever think of him in any other way. Of course, Tony knew how annoying he could be. He couldn't blame anyone for not being interested. Plus, he messed up a lot, no doubt he'd be a trial to put up with. Even EJ, who he thought had liked him well enough, would get annoyed by him. He'd accepted that fact a while back, of course, but accepting it didn't lessen the ache.

Idly, Tony wondered if telling him how he felt would help or just make it worse. So many times, he thought about confiding in Abby but could never bring himself to do it. He hated to admit it, but he just didn't trust her to keep that particular secret. He knew she wouldn't have a problem with him being bisexual but he didn't know how she would feel about him being attracted to Gibbs and if she was okay with it, would she push him to tell him? Despite her own commitment issues, she was a romantic at heart and sometimes didn't think through things as much as she should. That Mawher guy that she got the restraining order against was a perfect example. And if he had told her and she let it slip to someone else and it got all over the Navy Yard that he cared about Gibbs, that could be disastrous on multiple levels, the worst would be that word got out that everyone would know something so deeply personal except Gibbs himself and hate Tony for that. Vance might even set him back out as Agent Afloat again. Tony inhaled sharply at the thought. He would quit NCIS first. There was no way in hell he would ever endure that particular hell ever again. Besides, he had enough experience now he could probably get a job with another alphabet - not that he wanted to - he liked his job here, but if he ever had to, he probably had options. That, at least, made him feel a little better. Most of all though, no, he couldn't tell Abby.

 _So maybe I should tell him,_ Tony silently debated. Tony doubted Gibbs would punch him or anything like that. He knew Gibbs wasn't homophobic. Best case scenario: he would be flattered but not into men. Things might be awkward for a while and maybe eventually, they would settle back in their friendship as long as Tony didn't push, which he wouldn't. Tony just feared he'd find it too hard to be around him if he knew and didn't feel the same and that would destroy their friendship and their working relationship. Worst case scenario - he couldn't even think about that.

 _No, don't tell him._ Everyone was better off. Their friendship was intact and their team was still solid. Couldn't risk either one for an outcome he knew was inevitable.

He snapped his thoughts back to the present. He'd just been sitting there for a while, not doing anything, just thinking. He was really surprised Gibbs hadn't come up on him and head-slapped him back to work or growled at him or…something. When he risked a glance over at him, he found the man sitting very still, staring at the paper in front of him but barely holding his pen in his grip. Hell, the man was as deep in thought as he had just been. _What is he thinking about?_ Tony wondered. He knew there was no answer to that question. Gibbs would never tell and no one else knew the man well enough to even guess. Tony thought he knew him better than anyone else and even he couldn't even venture a guess. Frustration welled up again. Loving him and not knowing how to reach him made him ache all over again. Some days it really was too much.


	4. Chapter 4

It turned out to be a long day. Tony managed to catch up on some of the paperwork that had backlogged and when he gave it to Gibbs, Gibbs looked a little pleased and a little rueful. Gibbs had mentioned that Vance was riding his ass about the paperwork so Tony did his part to try to catch it up and that had earned him a small smile from Gibbs. It was the highlight of his day.

Tony wished he could put that smile there more often and a bunch of images popped in his mind about how he could put it there. He walked away before he could let his thoughts wander anymore. The last thing he wanted was to get a hard-on in front of Gibbs. Trying to explain that away…no. Tony would rather let Ziva drive him somewhere and that wasn't in his Top 100 list of things he wanted to do.

Gibbs sent them home at 4:00 that day so his team could start their long weekend. Ziva came up to Tony's desk and stopped him from leaving.

"Tony…"

"Yes, Zee-vah," he stood a little straighter.

"I…I hope you have a good weekend." Her eyes saying the apology that she couldn't quite voice.

"You too." He turned away, an obvious dismissal. That was as close as he was going to get to an apology but he really wasn't in the mood to deal with her anyway. Maybe next week he would feel a little less out of sorts but right now…no. Tony had just sat down in his car when his cell phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and grinned.

"Yeah, Gibbs?"

"If you aren't busy, gonna pick up steaks."

"Sounds great, I'll bring beer."

"Good." Gibbs disconnected.

Tony froze when he heard the "good." Gibbs rarely responded, usually disconnected without a word. The fact that he was glad Tony was bringing beer was on par of opening up for him. _Damn, maybe he feels as bad as I do._ He thought over the long day and how deep in thought Gibbs had spent the day. Tony swallowed hard as he fastened his seat belt and turned on the engine. Maybe Gibbs couldn't stand the thought of being alone tonight anymore than he could. For him to say "good" that was big. Maybe he could find out if Gibbs was doing anything tomorrow. Spending Valentine's Day with Gibbs would be the best, even just as a friend. Okay, so maybe he was a glutton for punishment but really, the thought of Gibbs being alone on Valentine's Day depressed him more than the thought of himself being alone on Valentine's Day. Gibbs deserved to have someone there, even if just a friend.

By the time he got home, his mind and body betrayed him 100 times over. His thoughts involuntarily conjured a fantasy that Gibbs wanted him after all and despite his efforts to focus on driving, all he could think about was sex. To make the man let go like that would be so hot. As soon as he locked the door behind him, he went directly to his bedroom and shucked his clothes. He laid down and let the fantasy play itself out without distractions. Gibbs lying on his back, naked, Tony holding his hips as he took him down his throat. Gibbs screaming his name as he came. That did him in. He came hard, gasping for breath as the intensity of it seized him. God, if just thinking about him was this good what could it be like to actually be with him? Just thinking that stirred him emotionally even though he wouldn't be ready to go again for a while. His body was sated for the moment but emotionally, well, could he ever be sated?

He lay there for a few minutes before getting up to jump in the shower and wash up, changed in jeans and a sweatshirt. Just before he left, he hesitated. If Gibbs was as lonely as he was, they might do some heavy drinking tonight. He went back to his bedroom and repacked his go bag. If it was going to be a bourbon night, it was also going to be a spare room night. He wouldn't assume that, but he'd be prepared in case it was.

Just as Tony reached for the doorknob to leave his apartment, his cell phone rang again. It was Tim this time.

"DiNozzo."

"Hey, Tony."

"What's up, McGeek?"

"I didn't get a chance to tell you at work today but I thought you might want to know what happened with Abby and Ziva."

"Spill."

"Ziva would never let on to us but according to Abby, she took the whole thing with Ray really hard. Abby found that song, you heard it - she thought it would remind Ziva that her friends were still there and cared about her and that the song would make her smile. Apparently, it just made Ziva feel worse."

"Oh, damn," Tony said, for a moment commiserating with Ziva.

"Yeah, Abby felt really bad."

"Is Ziva dating someone? Where's she going this weekend? She wouldn't tell me."

"She's going skiing with some friends. She told me she didn't tell you because she thought you'd mock her for not having a date."

Tony cringed. "It hasn't been that long since what happened with Ray. She cared about the guy, figured she wasn't ready to date again yet. Wouldn't have mocked her for that."

Tim didn't speak for a minute and the silence spoke volumes. "Should tell her that, Tony. I think it'd mean a lot coming from you."

Tony snorted. "Why? So she can accuse me of checking up on her? Bad enough she accused me of a dumb prank."

"She didn't apologize for that?"

"Nope. She believed she had every right to believe I had done it because I set a precedent."

"For what it's worth, I told her she should apologize when I was down in Abby's lab."

"Don't tell me what she said. I don't want to know," Tony said. "Before she left, she wished me a good weekend but she didn't apologize so that said it all. Anyway, I don't want to talk about Ziva anymore. What are you doing this weekend?"

"Aahh, well, my girlfriend and I are going away for the weekend, bed and breakfast, some sledding, she wants to build a snowman, just to get away."

"That's great, Tim, hope you have a great time."

"Thanks, Tony." Tim sounded pleased. "What are your plans for the weekend?"

"Catch up on my sleep."

"No date?" No mockery in his tone, just curiosity.

Tony hesitated. He could make one up but he really was tired of pretending. He deserved whatever Tim dished out and if he was going to be true to himself and everyone else, he would have to bite the bullet. "No," Tony said tentatively, like he was testing the waters.

There was silence on the other end. Tony waited it out, bracing himself. "Huh," Tim said, surprise in his tone. "You have been really quiet," he said thoughtfully. "Thought maybe you were dating someone you were serious about."

Tony was stunned. Tim wasn't mocking him even though he, Tony DiNozzo, admitted he didn't have a date. Took a minute but he found his voice, "No, not yet but hey, you never know. Anything could happen."

"True," Tim agreed. "Hope you have a good weekend anyway, Tony. Good to have a long weekend, no matter what."

"Yeah, it is. Be careful, Tim."

"I will. See you Monday. Be safe."

Tony hung up and smiled. He exhaled a sigh of relief. Felt so good to just tell the truth and Tim didn't seem to think it was worth laughing at him about. Tony finally left his apartment and headed to the store to buy beer. The conversation with Tim had put him in a really good mood and he resolved to not mock Tim about relationships ever again.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony was whistling when he stepped in Gibbs' house. He hung up his coat and stepped in the living room, "Honey, I'm home," He called out, a grin on his face. No response. "Hey, Gibbs? You here?" He walked into the dining room and looked in the kitchen. Gibbs was standing in the kitchen at the counter, the steaks in front of him. "Hey," he said in a normal tone of voice. "Brought the beer. Want one now?"

"Sure," Gibbs said. "Honey, I'm home?" He repeated, giving Tony a 'what the…' look. 

Tony laughed. "Just a joke, felt homey with the fire glowing and the low lamp on. Love that you use your fireplace. When I was growing up, we never had a fire lit. The fireplaces were just for show, always felt colder, especially in the winter."

Gibbs looked at Tony for a moment as if he was a puzzle he was trying to figure out. "That's…sad," Gibbs said finally, his voice thoughtful. "Can't imagine that."

Tony's smile seemed stuck on his face as he opened the beers. Gibbs was already taking the steaks to the living room and Tony followed him, setting the beers on the coffee table and sat down. He watched Gibbs move stiffly as he bent down to put the steaks on. "Knee acting up? Want me to do that?"

Gibbs sighed. He turned and looked at Tony for a moment, and Tony still felt like he was puzzling something out. Tony raised an eyebrow in question, trying not to think about how the firelight flickered across his face and how good he looked. "Arthritis flare-up," Gibbs growled in frustration. "Ducky said I should take it easy for a few days."

Tony stood up and offered a hand to Gibbs so he could pull himself up without putting too much pressure on it and though he knew the man would never admit it, he seemed grateful. Gibbs' hand felt warm and strong in his as his grip tightened for a moment as he pulled himself up. "Want some ice for that?" Tony glanced down at his knee.

"I iced it before you got here. Gotta wait a couple of hours before I do it again."

Tony nodded. "You're actually doing what Ducky says? You must be an imposter! Where's Gibbs?" Tony demanded, a grin spread across his face that he was half-joking.

Gibbs laughed and for the first time since he got there, his face relaxed. "Don't want to have to stop working on account of my knee if I can prevent a worse injury. Duck said I'll need to have it replaced eventually."

Tony nodded and thought for a moment. "I could teach you some stretching and strengthening exercises for it. Might save you a lot of money on physical therapy. Should help keep you going for longer."

Gibbs blinked in surprise at the offer.

"Hey, phys. ed. degree, remember?" Tony chuckled. "After my pro ball dreams were crushed, my advisor suggested I go into physical therapy as I had a lot of the course requirements already. I was doing physical therapy at the time so I talked to the therapist who helped me with my knee rehab. She taught me all kinds of exercises for joints and why to do them. Sometimes wonder if that's why I recover so quickly when I get injured. I've always done all those exercises as part of my routine."

Tony turned to the steaks to flip them as Gibbs nodded toward the fire but the man was silent. When Tony turned back around, he saw Gibbs was staring into the fire, obviously thinking. When he looked into his eyes, he was stunned by the emotions he saw there. They all seemed so jumbled though he couldn't pick just one.

"Gibbs?" He asked softly. "You okay?"

Gibbs blinked, as if he forgot Tony was there and he sighed. "I don't know, Tony. I really don't."

The steaks were nearly done and Tony waited until they were ready to come off the fire. A few minutes later, he sat down beside him and Gibbs held out his plate for his half. There was a slight tension in the air now but not really an uncomfortable one. Tony sensed that Gibbs felt it too. Tony didn't know what was going on but it wasn't anything that dispelled his good mood and the tension seemed to hold an air of anticipation, excitement even. He shivered involuntarily. Something was about to happen.

~*~

Gibbs ate his steak. Under his direction, Tony had cooked it perfectly. Despite how hungry he was and how good the steak was, he could've kicked himself. He should've said he was fine when Tony asked him if he was okay. He should've glared. He should've just not answered. Was he really so broken inside that he just gave Tony an opening to press him to talk?

He stole a glance at him while he ate. He could feel the nervous energy emanating off him but there was something else there too. Gibbs didn't know what it was but he fairly vibrated with it. But after saying he didn't know, he owed Tony something more than silence. He could see a hint of worry in his face. He hated the thought of anyone worrying about him but he knew they did.

In due time, they finished their steaks and their first beers. Tony got up and rinsed off the plates and got them second beers and he sat forward, resting his elbows on his and held the beer in both hands. Finally, Tony broke the silence. "I'm here if you want to talk about it," he said quietly. "Sometimes it helps to have someone to bounce things off of."

"Like you do with me," Gibbs said.

"Yeah!" Tony looked over with a smile. "I know that's not your style but…well, I owe you for all the times you listened to me." Tony reached over and laid his hand on Gibbs' shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, as if to tell him it was okay.

The heat from Tony's hand seared him through his shirt. It felt good. He realized that was the first time anyone had touched him in a long time, not counting handshakes. It had just been a small gesture but that one simple touch seemed to fill something inside him he didn't know needed filling. How had he not realized how much he needed physical contact. _Dammit!_

Gibbs swallowed hard. He needed to say something. If Tony had been the one to say, 'I don't know,' he wouldn't have let it go so it wasn't right for him to expect Tony to do so.

He took a swig of his beer and cursed his knee that he couldn't lean forward like Tony was. He felt exposed like this, like he was laying himself bare and as much as he thought about opening up, it was scary and he still wasn't sure how much he could. At the same time, he felt an unfamiliar sense of relief. He exhaled raggedly. "Been thinking a lot," he finally said. "Too much, maybe."

Tony set his beer down on the coffee table, leaned back and put his feet up on the coffee table the way Gibbs sat. Tony didn't look over at him as if sensing it was easier to talk without eye contact but Gibbs relaxed a little - at least if he was sitting like that, Gibbs felt like maybe they were equally exposed, at least physically, maybe emotionally and mentally - like they were in it together. Something loosened in his chest.

"Hate this time of year," he said. "Hate the Valentine bullshit. Don't need one day out of the year to remind me of my exes and the unspoken stigma that if you're not with anyone, you failed at life."

In his peripheral vision, he saw Tony swallow hard and from what he could see of his eyes, there was a suspicious brightness in the glow of the fire being reflected in them.

Gibbs took a deep breath. "Getting old. Thinking it's too late to try again…if anyone who knows I have three ex-wives would give me the time of day." Gibbs picked up his beer and downed one-third of it in one swig. "Can't blame them if they didn't."

Tony was quiet for a long time. Finally, Gibbs risked a glance over and he could see the man was thinking and chewed his lower lip thoughtfully. He looked rather endearing that way. Finally, Tony turned and looked him in the eye and gave him a reassuring smile. "You have no idea how much I understand where you're coming from. I'm sort of on the other end of the spectrum. You're afraid no one will give you the time of day because you have too many exes. I'm afraid no one will give me the time of day because I'm still a bachelor. People wonder what's wrong with you if you make it to your 40s and never married. At least you tried. That has to count for something."

"Once or twice…yeah. More than that? Yeah, something is wrong…with me."

Tony smiled rather sadly, he hesitated a moment and sat up, as though he made an executive decision. "Gibbs, I'm only going to say this once because I think you need to hear it and then I will never mention it again unless you do." 

Gibbs sat back a little as if bracing himself but Tony didn't look away.

Tony took a deep breath before speaking. "You went through hell when Shannon and Kelly were killed. Most people couldn't have found a way back from that. Wouldn't be surprised if you thought about eating a bullet at the time. But you didn't. You're still here. You found a way to make your life mean something despite your grief…maybe even because of it." Emotion choked Tony's voice and he inhaled sharply. "I know you would give anything to have them back. Hell, I would give anything to bring them back to you. But your life…what it is now despite everything that's happened since you lost them is amazing. You never gave up and you never back down and you don't take anyone's shit. You're admired for it…respected for it…even loved for it. Ziva, Tim and I…all of us…we wouldn't hesitate to take a bullet for you so you could keep going because that's how much you matter."

Tony paused for breath but Gibbs sensed he wasn't done. "Your grief was too raw when you remarried. Maybe you couldn't see it at the time. But now, all these years later, maybe it's not so raw. Not that it never hurts because it will never not hurt but maybe now it's tolerable to a certain extent. You can live with it without having to lock yourself away to cope. Maybe you're ready. I've known you for a long time and I know, without a doubt, that if you found the right person, you would love them with the intensity that you put into the job, into your woodworking, into the protective bubble you hold all of us in."

Gibbs swallowed hard. Tony's voice was thick with emotion and Gibbs saw tears swimming in his eyes, like it had hurt to say all he had. In that moment, he had never seen Tony look so open, raw…exposed even? Even when the man had the plague, there had been something impermeable that had defied weakness, even death. Gibbs remembered the aftermath of the plague - even through the nightmares, the coughing fits, the need for someone to hold him up and thump his back to loosen up the gunk in his lungs, he still somehow seemed strong. Gibbs remembered those days like they just happened. Tony's raw strength, fighting so hard to live even as he struggled to breathe…he remembered thinking he had never known anyone so strong. Wasn't that what awoke him to the deeper feelings he had to begin with?

But here, now, Tony basically telling him that he was the strongest person he'd ever known and that he and their friends would give their lives so he could keep going when he felt like they mattered more than he did…a rush of emotion choked him. He saw Tony quickly wipe a tear that had slipped from his eye and he felt one of his own escape. In that moment, Gibbs recognized that Tony was letting him see a part of him he never let anyone see and that strength was being offered to boost him up at a time he needed strength beyond himself. As this realization crashed in on him, he stared into Tony's eyes, astonished by the depths he'd never been allowed to see before. Tony's eyes were still bright with the unshed tears, almost constantly swallowing hard and waiting for…something, trying to hold it together. Tony never showed emotions. He joked, he made up stories, he deflected, he used sarcasm. All of that was gone right now and as a flash of the last couple of months careened through his mind, hadn't been there for a while. Why had he not recognized this sooner?

Tony's eyes were his undoing. He pushed the coffee table out of the way with his foot, forcing both of them to set their feet down on the floor. Gibbs' knee did not even register as he leaned toward Tony and reached his arm out to him.

As Gibbs reached out to Tony, Tony reached out to him. One of Gibbs' arms went around his shoulder and the other pulled him close at the waist. Gibbs rested his forehead on Tony's shoulder and Tony did the same on his. Gibbs' tightened his grip, knowing he should say something; how many times had he tried holding one of his ex-wives and not said something when he should.

Gibbs gauged Tony's reactions. Tony's hug started out tentative, like he wasn't sure what to do but as Gibbs tightened his own grip, Tony relaxed and his hug seemed more sure and he did not let go.

Gibbs lifted his head and turned to exhale roughly but did not loosen his grip. He turned his head back and scooted closer to hug the man less awkwardly. Tony moved his leg a little to settle them both more comfortably. "Til now, I never thought anyone could ever understand me the way Shannon did." His hand squeezed Tony's shoulder. "I think…" He took a deep breath, "I think you understand me better than she did." Tears welled up in his own eyes at the admission but for the first time ever, talking about her didn't feel like a betrayal. It was almost like he could feel that she agreed with him. He shuddered at the thought.

He kept his hand on Tony's shoulder but he otherwise released him and lifted his head to look at him. Another tear had streamed down Tony's face and was running down his neck. Gibbs reached over at wiped it away. "I love you, Tony. I hope it's okay I say that but I need you to know, tired of holding it back. You've been there for me when I didn't deserve you or anyone else to care. Been a bastard to you more than the friend you deserved but…yeah." He forced himself to hold Tony's gaze as he spoke and Tony was so stunned he was rendered speechless so Gibbs pressed on. "You don't have to say anything. Not going to come on to you or anything, wouldn't do anything to risk our friendship, just…tonight, you let me see the best side of you and it meant a lot when I couldn't see anything but the worst side of myself."

Gibbs gave his shoulder one last squeeze and stood up and walked out to the kitchen, realizing they both needed a little space. His tears fell freely now, not able to hold them back, the enormity of all they had said more than he could take right now. He tried to lick his lips and realized his mouth was dry so he got some water and kept a second glass ready in case Tony wanted some. Moving had always helped him gain some control when his emotions were scattered and getting water helped and it soothed his throat. He glanced into the living room and saw that Tony still sat where he had left him, just staring at the spot where Gibbs had just sat. Gibbs tore his gaze away. He wondered if Tony would wake up from his trance and quietly leave. For a fleeting moment, he thought about fleeing to the basement to hide from the emotional onslaught they created but the look on Tony's face when he had glanced over just now, the fact that he was lonely and the fact that he had opened up to the one person he had wanted to open up to and that Tony had, to a point, opened up to him, kept him in the kitchen. He leaned against the counter, facing the open doorway and he could see Tony through the dining room. He rested his arms on the counter, his body language open and patient as though to say, 'It's up to you what to do but I won't back down from what I said.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not safe for work.

Gibbs had barely stood against the counter 15 seconds when Tony finally stood and walked slowly toward him. His eyes were now dry but still bright, almost glassy and a little red from having been teary-eyed. Tony stopped in front of Gibbs and met his gaze. Gibbs stood straighter, letting his hands drop to his sides. Tony didn't look upset or angry or even particularly disturbed. He looked thoughtful. Only thing that really gave away was his eyes - they were filled with questions and… _was that hope?_

Gibbs blinked as he searched Tony's eyes and Tony's searched his. Finally, Tony spoke. "This has turned into one hell of an evening, Jethro." Tony grinned at him.

Gibbs couldn't help but grin back and something in his chest loosened at hearing Tony use his given name. "Tell me about it."

"You love me." Tony said the words as a statement of fact though Gibbs heard disbelief as Tony stared into his eyes, full of questions.

Gibbs nodded, taking a deep breath, shoring himself up for whatever fallout his confession would have.

"Oh no, you don't. You don't get to be mute now." Tony still grinned but his eyes were warm, telling Gibbs he wasn't mocking him.

"Don't know what else to say."

Tony grinned and took a deep breath. "You have to know I love you. Right?"

Gibbs eyes grew wide in shock at hearing the words as he quickly absorbed them. "Tony, I wasn't referring to just loving as you a friend."

Tony nodded. "Neither am I." He reached out and took Gibbs' left hand with his right. "I passed up promotions because the thought of not being around you nearly every day hurt worse than the loneliness of believing you couldn't love me back. Tonight…you opening up to me…do you know how much that means to me?"

Gibbs inhaled and let his fingers wrap around Tony's hand. "I didn't plan on telling you how I felt but you telling me how you saw me…that was…" He paused for a long time, trying to find the right word. All he could articulate though was, "Wow!"

Tony's face lit up at this and his eyes searched Gibbs. "That's exactly what I thought when you started talking about your exes and trying again. For you to share something like that…with me…" He shook his head in disbelief. "Yeah…wow!"

"I trust you, Tony. Always have. More than I ever trusted my exes." He paused a moment, still searching his thoughts. "I want to see more of the Tony DiNozzo I saw in there," he said, nodding once toward the living room. "I like him a lot." He grinned.

Tony grinned back. "Before I left to come over, Tim called me." Tony said. "Told me about what happened with Ziva and Abby."

"Yeah, Abby told me." Gibbs said, his eyes curious about where this was going.

Tony nodded. Of course, Gibbs already knew. "Anyway, he told me about his plans with his girlfriend this weekend and he asked me what I was doing." Tony paused, taking a deep breath. "I…told him the truth. I don't have a date tomorrow night."

Gibbs tried to hide his surprise at this but Tony's half smile told him he failed.

"I thought he'd tease me over it but…he didn't. I deserve it but he said he thought I was serious about someone because I haven't said anything."

Gibbs half-smiled at that. "Wondered the same thing."

Tony shook his head no. "I realized being the playboy wasn't going to get me what I wanted. And even if I couldn't have who I wanted, maybe being truer to myself would make it easier to accept I couldn't have who I wanted and in time I could love someone else. But now…" He paused, searching Gibbs' eyes again. "You really…love me?" he whispered, as disbelieving as before.

Gibbs nodded. "Hard not to."

Tony lifted his arm with his palm up as though to gesture the rest of the world beyond the two of them. "Everyone else I've known out there never seemed to think it was hard to not love me."

Gibbs snorted. "I'm not everyone else."

Tony smiled but the relief in his eyes wasn't so easily disguised. "I've always known that." He took a deep breath. "I knew you weren't homophobic, but…well, I never imagined you being interested in men." The unspoken 'or me' hung in the air.

"Could say the same about you. I've watched your eyes chase women for a decade now."

"I hid my interest in men at work for the obvious reasons. DADT the biggest one, even if we were a civilian agency. I always imagined that the big bad Marines wouldn't appreciate being checked out. And you…well, even more reasons than that."

Gibbs nodded, having had a few of the same fears himself despite being a Marine or maybe because of it. He studied Tony's face as he asked his next question. "We both had…have a lot to lose."

Tony nodded. "Wanted you in my life no matter what. Afraid you would distance yourself more if you found out how I felt about you."

Gibbs sighed, "Same." He thought for a moment before speaking again. "So some of the women you boasted about…any of them actually men?"

Tony half-grinned and flicked his head back as though nodding toward the living room. "Let's go sit again." He took his hand and led him back to the couch, this time they sat shoulder to shoulder. Once seated, both moved their arms as though to rest their hands on the couch beside them and their hands touched. Tony threaded his fingers through Gibbs and held on. Gibbs gave his hand a gentle squeeze but didn't let go. They sat like that, holding hands for a couple of moments, savoring the touch and the newness but…it was still familiar somehow. It felt natural, comfortable.

"Yeah, a few were actually men," Tony confirmed. "I didn't date as much as I let on. I wasn't celibate either. Just…well, I like sex but that's never been a secret."

"I know, Sex Machine," Gibbs said wryly, his mouth turned up in a smirk.

Tony looked over and laughed. "Not so much anymore. Too old for one night stands."

Gibbs leaned in to Tony. "Sensed a long time ago you wanted way more than that. Just thought you wanted that with a woman."

"Wanted you. Everyone else was because I thought you were only into women. I figured if you got married again, I would finally accept a promotion or leave NCIS if I wasn't offered one. Couldn't stand seeing you with anyone else."

Gibbs squeezed Tony's hand hard. "Not interested in anyone else, Tony. And your track record with relationships doesn't scare me. More afraid I will hurt you than you will hurt me…that is…if you want to take a chance on me and see where this goes."

Tony turned toward him a little more. "I have never wanted anything more in my life. I'm scared I will screw up…or you will get sick of me." Tony sighed. "Afraid I might have too much baggage."

"Me too."

"Not scared of your baggage. I know you have secrets, probably a lot more than I do. Doesn't matter."

Gibbs smiled. "I hope learning some of those secrets won't make you change your mind about me. Sometimes…I feel like you put me on a pedestal."

Tony sat up, turned so that he was resting his weight on his knee, put his arm around him and rested his hand on Gibbs' shoulder as he leaned in and spoke softly in Gibbs' ear. "I knew about you avenging Shannon and Kelly before anyone else knew they existed. If that didn't scare me off, nothing will, Jethro."

Gibbs stiffened and looked at Tony. "How did you know?"

"I checked you out before I showed up at NCIS, wanted to know who I was going to be working with. Didn't take much to put the pieces together. Only confirmed what I suspected the longer I worked with you and got to know you."

"You knew all these years?" Gibbs searched Tony's eyes. He didn't know what he was looking for, maybe anger, he thought, but he had none. If anything, he just felt more deeply understood, cared for even. Tony knew. How did he always know?

"Who else knew before?"

"No one. I never told anyone. One hell of a MOAS, Jethro."

"What's that?"

"Mother of all secrets, though that could be the great-great-grandmother of all secrets."

Gibbs laughed at that. He reached out and placed a hand on Tony's neck and stroked his jawline with his fingers. "Don't know what to say, Tony."

Tony leaned into the touch. "Don't say anything. I only told you because I needed you to know that there was nothing you could tell me that would make me change my mind about you." He lifted his hand and stroked the hand stroking him. "You doing that…don't want to talk." Tony leaned in closer and licked his lips, his eyes on Gibbs' lips.

Tony's lips touched his and Gibbs felt a tightness loosen in his gut he hadn't realized was there and with that loosening, warmth radiated through his body outward, his nerve endings coming alive creating a tingling throughout his entire body. The energy was electrifying and he couldn't stay still. His hands came up in Tony's hair and he caressed the spot that he had head slapped a thousand times. Gibbs felt the vibration of Tony's voice as he moaned. When Gibbs felt Tony's other leg wrap around and straddle him and his tongue seeking entrance into his mouth, Gibbs moaned and his arms wrapped around and cupped the ass he'd been admiring all these years. Tony arched and felt his groin press against his. He was hard and Gibbs arched back making Tony moan. Tony's body responded and his kiss became more demanding. Gibbs slid his arms up his back, finding that Tony's shirt had ridden up and his fingers came into contact with the warm skin of his back. He caressed the small of his back , barely tickling the skin. He'd always known that Tony was tactile, couldn't keep his hands off anything but for the first time, he had a glimpse of just why his nickname was Sex Machine. If he was this responsive to being touched like this…

The thought made him dizzy as blood rushed to his groin and made him impossibly hard but damn if it didn't feel good. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this hard as he withdrew from the kiss to breathe. Tony was panting and the desire in his face was as raw as every other emotion on his face. Gibbs lifted a hand and stroked his face, starting at his temple, down his face, across his jaw, bringing up his other hand and resuming where he left off with his opposite hand, stroking him with both sides of his hands and fingers, memorizing the feel of his skin. Gibbs couldn't remember ever feeling like this before. He had never craved touching someone so much as he craved touching the man before him. It wasn't even about sex though God knew he wanted that too but this was so much more. When Gibbs pulled Tony back in to kiss him, the passion Tony returned told him that Tony craved him just as much. Tony's hands were hungry as they sought skin as much as his. When he felt his hands on his waist under his shirt, he broke away from Tony, his voice thick. "Tony…if we take this much further, I won't...be able to stop."

"Don't," his voice pleaded. "Don't stop. Need…this. You."

Gibbs moaned in his mouth as he consumed him in a deep kiss. "Want you…in my bed. Now."

Tony muttered about his leg falling asleep and smiled. With Gibbs' help, he managed to stand and pulled Gibbs up with him. Gibbs led the way upstairs into the master bedroom. Tony's hands went to the hem of Gibbs' shirt and pulled it off of him without preamble and his hands went to his belt buckle. "I want you naked," Tony smiled, eyes filled with lust. "Need to feel you."

Tony got his belt unbuckled but Gibbs' hands weren't idle either. "Off," he indicated the shirt and his hands unbuttoned and unzipped Tony's jeans before leaning in to kiss him again as both men pulled down the others' pants and they stumbled as they tried to step out of them and kick them away.

The kiss was hungry, wet and when Gibbs' hands stroked down Tony's sides and over his hips and over the tops of his thighs, Tony gasped, releasing the kiss and threw his head back. As Gibbs stroked back up his thighs, he let his fingernails lightly rake over them.

"Oh God," Tony breathed.

"Like that?" Gibbs smiled, leaning in to speak in his ear as his hands pulled Tony into him by his hips.

Tony nodded, beyond words as his hard cock came in contact with Gibbs'. Gibbs took a step to back Tony up to the bed and Tony fell back and pulled Gibbs down with him. Before Gibbs could position himself, Tony shifted his weight and rolled Gibbs under him and he covered Gibbs' body like a blanket, careful not to crush him. Gibbs smiled, loving how this felt. The couple of inches of height that Tony had on him made for a comfortable fit lying like this.

The warmth of his body, the need in his face and eyes as he sought full body contact. Gibbs sensed rather than saw Tony's vulnerability in this moment. He pulled his head down to kiss him and as his tongue sought his mouth, he vowed with every fiber of his being that no matter what, he would never refuse Tony's touch, that he would touch him as often and as much as he needed and that no matter what, Tony would never want for affection again. He was going to show him tonight and every night just how he felt about him.

When they withdrew to breathe, Tony kissed along his jawline. "I knew you would be intense," Tony murmured.

"Too intense?" Gibbs' voice was rough, wondering if this was too much too fast.

"God, no. Just…when you kissed me, I felt it through my whole body. Was all I could do not to come."

Gibbs groaned at those words. "Not yet, nowhere near done with you."

Tony shivered with those words and before he could speak again, Gibbs moved his head to find his lips again and let his fingernails gently rake down Tony's back and back up the sides, across his shoulder, around his neck and raked through his hair. Tony's forearms were supporting his weight so he wouldn't crush Gibbs and Gibbs realized that Tony was at the mercy of his touch as long as he continued to hold that position. He caressed the small of Tony's back and fanned out over his ass, his fingernails barely tickling the hot skin. His hands continued the exploration of his back , hips, traced the scars he felt under his fingertips and finally wrapped around to his inner thigh.

Tony withdrew from the kiss abruptly, his breathing ragged and his lower body almost involuntarily thrusting, seeking sensation and Gibbs' hands on his hips steadying him to prevent the contact. "Please Jet," he begged.

"Not yet, Tony, God, not yet. Feel like we've barely started."

Tony moaned with need and Gibbs used his moment of distraction to shift his weight and roll them over so that Tony was on his back. Tony's hard cock slapped against his hip bone as they moved and the sensation sent a shudder through Tony.

Gibbs sat up on his calves between Tony's legs and looked down at him. As he admired the man under him, his hands came down to caress and scratch his thighs again as he'd loved the reaction last time he did this. He smiled down at Tony and his strokes continued over his knees and down his legs to his ankles and back up, turning to caress his calves as well. Tony dug his heels in the mattress and his lower body arched up, seeking sensation that wasn't there and the groan filled Gibbs' ears like a roar. Gibbs smiled and lifted himself off his calves and took Tony's hands in his. Tony threaded his fingers through Gibbs' and let him guide his hands up and set them down on either side of his head. "Stay," Gibbs whispered and softly kissed Tony's lips before nuzzling his jawline and down his neck, leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses around his neck. He could feel Tony's racing pulse under his lips and tongue and the feel of it, knowing he was inspiring this reaction, he nipped with his teeth, not too hard, but enough to cause Tony's hips to thrust again.

"Like that?"

"More, oh God, don't stop. Please, Jet, don't stop." Tony babbled in one breath and Gibbs could see the flush of his skin, the desire in his face and hear the need in his voice.

His lips descended further down his body, letting his tongue tease one nipple and then the other, his teeth scraping the surface gently before trailing across to the other one. As his mouth traveled lower down his body, Tony's body was almost in continual motion, seeking sensation, his hands fisting the sheets as he struggled to obey to keep his hands still. Gibbs could see his muscles alternating between tensing and relaxing as the sensations lit up his body. A fine sheen of perspiration covered his skin as he fought to maintain control.

Gibbs could see he was on the edge and it was a beautiful sight to behold. He'd always loved driving his partners wild - this was one thing his ex-wives absolutely never complained about but he had never driven a man wild like this before. The men he'd been with before were always too eager to get to the punch line and he'd never wanted to explore them the way he wanted Tony. That Tony endured his ministrations as he explored and caressed just made him want to explore more. Tony had already begged and yet Gibbs couldn't let this end yet. He hadn't even touched Tony's cock yet but he knew he would. He needed to touch, maybe even taste. He crawled up his body and rested his weight over Tony, covering him the way Tony had covered him. Tony thrust up against him and turned them so they were lying face to face. Tony's hands instantly went to Gibbs' hip as the other arm came around his back, held him close.

"Jethro…so close. I need to come."

"Shhh, you will."

"Need to touch you." Tony's mouth and hands backed up his words as he trailed open mouthed kisses and licks along Gibbs' neck and shoulders, not holding back as he bit into the tender flesh making Gibbs thrust against Tony, their cocks sliding against each other.

Gibbs gasped at the sensation. They were both so hard and this was so hot and so good. He closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the sensation of Tony's lips and tongue and teeth and hands and cock. When he felt Tony's hand reach between them and run a fingertip over his cock, he shivered. "God, Tony, don't tease."

"I want to tease you," Tony whispered. "I want to drive you wild, out of control. What do you want, Jethro? I'll do anything you want. Just need to make you come."

"Anything, huh?" Gibbs smiled, kissing him again. He reached between them and shifted his body so that he could take both of their cocks in one hand. Tony cried out at the contact as Gibbs slowly stroked both of them. Tony's hand clutched at his hip while his other hand went up in his hair to pull Gibbs closer to him. The kiss was sloppy, deep, hungry and desperate. Tony's hips were moving uncontrollably as Gibbs stroked them both simultaneously but not speeding up his pace. He knew if he did it would be over too soon. He could feel the need for release building up in himself and the way Tony couldn't stop moving told him he was wild with need. Gradually, he sped up his strokes, concentrating on keeping his strokes even in motion and pressure. He nibbled at Tony's neck, then licked and kissed where he bit, before shifting enough to lick Tony's ear lobe before speaking. "Good?"

Tony nodded desperately, unable to speak, too lost in sensation. The flush on his body grew darker and Gibbs knew he was close.

"That's it, Tony, give in. Come for me." Gibbs sped up his strokes, his own need building now. 

Seconds later, Tony's breathing sped up and his cock tensed and his face and body flushed dark red as the pleasure consumed him and he gave in. He cried out as the first stream hit his belly and Gibbs didn't let up on the speed and pressure. Gibbs couldn't take his eyes off of him as he rode out the release and soon he called out Tony's name as he gave in to his own need, their releases mixing and coating both of their bellies and chests. It was only when Tony reached between their legs to put his hand over Gibbs' to still him, that he realized he was still stroking them. Tony finally stilled, lying back, holding Gibbs' tightly against him. Gibbs settled down against him, not caring that they were getting sticky and messy, just needed to be close, skin to skin. Gibbs kissed him softly.

The gentle touch of his lips seemed to jolt Tony back to the present as he returned the soft kiss. "Wow, I think I blacked out."

Gibbs chuckled. "You okay?"

Tony nodded, kissed him again, let him feel just how okay he was. It was a couple more minutes before he could find his voice. "I think we need a shower."

"Come on," Gibbs got them up off the bed and led the way to the bathroom, stopping only to grab washcloths and towels.

He pulled Tony in the shower with him and then washed him as Tony stood there, hot water cascading down his back. Once he was clean, he returned the favor for Gibbs, openly admiring his body as he did.

"You're hot for a guy in his 50s," Tony leered at him. "Hope I look as good when I'm your age."

Gibbs let his eyes rake over Tony. "Don't think you have anything to worry about."

"That your way of saying you think I'm hot?"

"Maybe." Gibbs grinned and shut off the water once he was rinsed off.

They dried off quickly and went back to bed. As soon as Gibbs laid down, Tony was turning into him, caressing across his chest as he put his arm around him. Tony leaned in and kissed him, his tongue asking for entrance. Gibbs granted it and reveled in the feel of him as he ran his hand through the damp strands of hair on Tony's head. The initial passion sated for the moment, the kiss was about affection and love, something both men had gone without for too long. Tony sighed with contentment when they ended the kiss. "I meant it when I said I loved you and it's not because of sex."

Gibbs smiled. "Meant it too." Gibbs reached out and stroked his arm, still needing to touch him even though weariness was settling into him.

Tony smiled and kissed him again. "You're tired."

"So are you. Stay with me?" Tony nodded. "Do you sleep on your side?"

"Usually."

"Good, want you in my arms."

Tony turned over and by the time he did, Gibbs' arm was under his pillow cradling his head and neck and one arm was draped around his waist and Gibbs was pulling him back against him until full body contact. Tony practically purred as he settled down against him, draping his arm over Gibbs'.

They both sighed in contentment at the same time, causing them both to chuckle a little. "This is nice," Tony said burrowing deeper in the embrace.

Gibbs raised up and kissed him on the temple and whispered in his ear, "Go to sleep."

In minutes, both men were fast asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Tony awoke early. He felt disoriented at first and it took a few seconds to register that first, he was in an unfamiliar bed; second, there was a warm arm around his waist and third, there was a warm, naked body plastered across his back. Memories of the night before flashed in his mind and he couldn't hold back the smile. He snuggled in and felt Gibbs shift against him but didn't wake up.

He lay there quietly, enjoying the contentment that had settled on him the night before. Remembering what had started the 'Night of Revelations' he coined in his mind, he smiled. Today was Valentine's Day. But he had so much more than a mere date. His dreams had finally come true and the reality was so much better than any dream or fantasy he had ever had. Nothing about last night wasn't amazing. But the most amazing thing…Gibbs had opened up to him…really opened up. Talked about his feelings. Talked about Shannon and Kelly…okay, maybe not a lot, but…still, that was more than he had ever said before it became too painful. Everything said the night before just made him love Gibbs even more and sometimes the depth of the emotions he felt overwhelmed him.

As he replayed the evening in his mind, he inevitably progressed to the sex. That first kiss…Tony knew for the rest of his life he would never forget that moment. He swore his heart dropped down to his stomach and the emotions they shared in that single kiss had expressed more than all the words prior had and that was a lot. There had been no doubts, no fears. The world had shrunk to just the two of them. Everything had been so perfect afterward. A flash of Gibbs kissing him right after he had rolled Gibbs under him…that had been the best kiss of his entire life…as though Gibbs was trying to communicate something to him with that kiss. Never at anytime in his life had he felt so loved.

In the past, the phrase 'making love' had always seemed so cheesy and euphemistic but all of last night, from the time that Gibbs admitted his knee hurt and that he needed help until the very moment he had dropped off to sleep, it felt like making love. And it wasn't cheesy or euphemistic. No one had ever touched him like that, not even Jeanne. Just thinking about it made him hard all over again. The men in his past - he shivered involuntarily - he didn't want to remember those encounters. The only memories he wanted were the ones he shared with Gibbs.

"You awake?" Gibbs' voice rumbled against his shoulder.

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

"Never better," Tony smiled and meant it, hoping Gibbs would hear that in his voice.

The arm around hugged him closer and Gibbs placed a kiss on his shoulder where he could reach. "What were you thinking?"

"You. Us. Last night."

Gibbs lifted his arm until only his hand remained on Tony's body and he stroked up and down his side lightly with his fingertips.

Tony reveled in the touch. "That feels amazing," he stretched like a cat and Gibbs slightly increased the pressure of his fingertips and caressed longer strokes from near his underarm down to his hip. Gibbs continued the long strokes inching farther into his body, memorizing the ridge of his muscles and skin, stopping at his belly, deliberately not continuing lower. After covering the entire expanse of his chest and belly, Gibbs rested his hand on Tony's hipbone, memorizing the feel of the bone and muscles around it as he lightly squeezed.

Gibbs whispered in his ear. "Need to hit the head." He got up and wrapped the blanket around Tony to keep him warm while he was gone.

Tony felt tears fill his eyes just from lying in Gibbs' arms having him caress him the way he did. No one had ever done that for him before. The women he'd been with before, none of them had touched him for the sake of touching him. It had always been about sex. Not that he hadn't enjoyed it because he had but no one had ever explored him like that. When Gibbs touched him, it was so much more than sex. It was affection, tenderness, an ache to be touched being satisfied, as though Gibbs knew he needed that. It struck him that maybe Gibbs ached to touch as much as he ached to be touched. That made him want to touch.

The sound of the bathroom door opening interrupted his thoughts and he threw the blankets back to go in there himself. After relieving himself, he found the water was already warm, wanting to be clean before he went back to bed.

When he left the bathroom, Gibbs was lying there and he pulled the blankets back to invite him back. As soon as he got in the bed, he turned toward Gibbs and leaned in to kiss him. Immediately, Gibbs' hands sought his body somewhere, didn't matter where, just needed to be on him.

"Lie back," Tony whispered.

Gibbs lay back without question and Tony positioned a couple of pillows behind his back to make him comfortable. Once he was in position, Tony sat up and straddled his lap. He was half-hard but he ignored that. He watched Gibbs' eyes scan his body and the desire was unmistakable. Gibbs was hard already and Tony admired his physique. For an older man, Gibbs really was in great shape. Leaner than Tony was, the muscles under the skin were strong, supple and flexible. Some of his skin, especially in his belly, had softened a little with age but Tony had expected that. Even his skin was softening in places. He wasn't young anymore either. He leaned forward and splayed his hands on both his shoulders, letting the warmth of his hands soak into Gibbs' skin.

"Close your eyes."

"Can't. Don't want to take my eyes off you."

Tony smiled and Gibbs smiled back. Had anyone else said that, it might've come off as cheesy but not Gibbs. The man never said anything he didn't mean and anytime he moved at all, his gaze was drawn to the motion. Smile still in place, Tony lightly massaged Gibbs' shoulders, memorizing the feel of the muscles, deliberately pushing away the memory of how he had received the gunshot scar in his shoulder. As he felt Gibbs relax under his hands, he applied more pressure, deepening the physical connection, gradually threading his way to his neck where the muscles were tighter. He gradually worked those muscles loose and Gibbs groaned in the pleasure of it. "Keep that up and I'll never leave the bed again."

Tony chuckled at that. "Can you see Abby barging her way in here wondering why?"

Gibbs laughed at that. Tony loved how it vibrated through him when he did. "I don't even wanna think about it. That'd be an eyeful."

"Good thing I locked the door when I came in last night."

"You did?"

Tony nodded. "Yesterday, I spent a lot of time thinking and part of me wanted to tell you how I felt so bad. I was afraid to but when I got here last night, I was in such a good mood after talking to Tim and…I don't know, some instinct told me to lock the door. So I did. Maybe it was a premonition."

"Maybe," Gibbs sounded more like he agreed than didn't.

Tony smiled. "Thought you would say I've been spending too much time with Abby."

Gibbs smiled again. "Nah, I've done things like that on a hunch. Same thing. Sometimes the subconscious mind knows things our conscious minds don't."

Tony stopped the massage, his face registering shock. "Maybe you've been spending too much time with Abby."

Gibbs laughed again. "Nah, I trust my instincts. Trust yours too. Glad you locked the door. Not expecting anyone but don't want an audience either."

Tony resumed the massage, lighter this time and gradually it became more a caress as he moved down Gibbs' chest, splaying his hands across his pecs and sliding down, careful not to catch of his chest hair.

"Mmm, feels good," Gibbs murmured, closing his eyes, enjoying the touch.

"Yes, it does," Tony agreed, alternating between splaying his hands and caressing with fingertips, tracing patterns in his chest hair and tracing old scars. After a while, Tony lifted himself off Gibbs' lap and ran his hands up and down his legs, using fingernails the way Gibbs had the previous nights and enjoying the reactions he was eliciting. Tony had found ticklish spots and hot spots and Gibbs was rock hard. Tony ignored it as best he could but he could see by Gibbs' face that the pleasure was slightly tormenting him even as he loved it.

Finally, Tony settled beside him and kissed him. Gibbs took control of the kiss, demanding entry, possessive and passionate. It was impossible to resist and Tony opened up to him, letting him have the control and reveling in being so desired. He gave as good as he got and before long, both men were panting and soon, Tony wrapped his hand around Gibbs' cock. His hips jutted upward involuntarily at the sensation.

"Feels good."

Tony smiled and remembered how Gibbs had stroked them both last night and used what he hoped was a similar pressure and rhythm. Remembering through a haze of pleasure, he was a little unsure if he was doing it right but if Gibbs' response was anything to go by, he was doing just fine. He relaxed and took his time, letting it build slowly, hoping to drive him as crazy as he was driven last night. He loved how he felt in his hand. It was better than he could've imagined. Tony slipped his arm under Gibbs' head and pulled him closer.

"Jethro, open your eyes. Look at me." Tony's voice was husky but low as to not disturb the mood.

Immediately, his eyes opened and he met Tony's gaze. Tony's breath caught in his throat as he gazed into those crystal blue eyes. Laced with desire, those eyes had never looked more beautiful and he had always loved his eyes.

"That's it, want to see what you're feeling while I touch you."

Gibbs smiled wickedly and his hand slid up Tony's inner thigh. Tony stopped stroking him to still his hand.

"No, this is for you now. Just lay back and enjoy." He kissed him to emphasize that.

Gibbs stopped the upward stroke and just rested his hand on Tony's thigh and Tony resumed his stroking. Tony kissed his cheek and nuzzled his jaw. "I want you to come for me," he whispered. He sped up his strokes and locked his gaze on Gibbs' eyes. The man's eyes were fairly smoldering as his body flushed.

It didn't take long before Gibbs threw his head back and his eyes shut of their own volition. "Tony, I'm gonna…" He gasped for breath, not able to finish.

"That's it," Tony encouraged. "Come for me." He felt Gibbs' entire body shudder and he let go, as he did. Tony held him until he calmed, unable to speak as he memorized that moment, loving how Gibbs had responded to his touch, the sheen of sweat and the way Gibbs leaned into him as he came down from the moment. Tony's hand was covered with his release but he didn't care. He loved that he'd brought that out of him. He leaned in and kissed him lightly. "Gonna go get a washcloth. Be right back."

Tony washed his hands and soaked a washcloth in hot water, knowing it would cool a lot by the time he made it back to bed. Gibbs lay there, still spent, his eyes closed. Tony gently cleaned him up and when the warm cloth touched his skin, he jumped a little.

He tossed the used cloth in the bathroom when he was done and lay back down with him. Gibbs leaned in and kissed him deeply and before he could blink, Gibbs had rolled him over on his back. "Part of me wants to keep you hard and wanting all day and part of me wants to make you come right now."

"I'll do whatever you want. You can have me anytime you want."

Gibbs stroked his face gently. "That's a lot of power to give someone."

Tony leaned up and kissed him. "I trust you."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "You ever let anyone else have power over you?"

Tony shook his head. "Never trusted anyone that much."

Gibbs ran the tips of his fingers over Tony's chest. "Do you have any idea how much that turns me on?"

Tony smiled. "I always pegged you for a dominant."

Gibbs laughed. "Never pegged you as submissive though."

Tony chuckled. "I'm not but with you…I can see us taking turns. You need to let go sometimes." 

Gibbs grinned. "Maybe. Loved making you let go last night." Gibbs' lips and tongue nuzzled his jaw and neck but made no move to take things further.

Tony trembled a little at the implications of the conversation. The give and take they were already sharing; Gibbs making him let go last night, doing this for him in the morning. He could see a lot more of that in the future with even more as they discovered each others' kinks. Right now though, this felt so amazing, so intense and passionate and without even talking about kinks…and he had a few.

When Gibbs kissed him again, his body fairly hummed with it. Like the night before, the kiss conveyed passion, possession and love. His soul sang with it. It's what he always wanted. He gave back his emotions in the kiss and he felt Gibbs' arms tighten around him.

When they broke apart again, both breathed upward, to cool their heated skin. "Wow!" Tony grinned.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow in question.

"I didn't know it could be like this."

"Like what?"

"So…intense but…I don't want to say easy because it took so long to get here but now that we are, it was like 0 to 60 in five seconds."

"This going too fast for you, Tony?" Gibbs' voice was concerned.

"No… no, that's not what I meant," Tony said softly, his voice anxious to reassure. "What I mean is…once we were able to admit it, everything that's happened since just seemed so natural, easy, feels so right. Does that make sense?"

Gibbs nodded. "I didn't expect to get here so quickly but…feels right. Feels good."

Tony smiled a little sadly, a tinge of regret. "We've wasted so much time."

"Hey," Gibbs said softly. "Don't. We're here now, we both had to be ready for it and maybe we are now."

Tony nodded. "More than ready." _For everything,_ he thought.

Tony's stomach growled and they both started laughing as the tension was broken.

"Food!" Tony announced with a smile.

"Coffee," Gibbs smiled. "Let's go to the diner. I'm starving." He got up, found his jeans and pulled them on.

Tony hesitated. "Are you okay with us…being out?"

Gibbs stopped and looked at him. "It's not like we're going to be making out in public."

"I know…it's just, I don't want to fly rainbow flags or anything like that, but I don't want to have to hide either."

Gibbs buttoned his pants and walked up to Tony and placed his hand on his neck and squeezed lightly. "We're not hiding anything. I don't do PDA, never did, not even with the exes, not even with Shannon. Has nothing to do with both of us being men."

"That's not entirely true, you know." Tony grinned.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

"Head slaps could be considered PDA."

Gibbs laughed. "Never thought of that. You're right."

"So you've been showing me PDA for years already. If those slaps hadn't hurt so much sometimes, I'd almost think they were romantic."

The head slap was not unexpected. "Smart ass!"

The head slap at the back of Gibbs' head made him yelp in surprise and Tony laughed. "No head slaps at home unless you're prepared to get as good as you give."

Gibbs caressed the spot he had just slapped on Tony's head. "I'll get as good as I give alright," he murmured before pulling Tony in for a last kiss before leaving. As they parted, he playfully slapped Tony's ass. "Come on, I need coffee." Gibbs grabbed the sweatshirt and pulled it on.

They were out the door and to the restaurant in record time with Gibbs driving. Tony rubbed his eyes as he realized he was still tired. The sleep he had was restful but if he hadn't awoken so early, he would've slept a few more hours.

At the diner, their server kept their coffee cups full and the men ate in relative silence as the steaks the night before seemed a long time ago. During the meal, Tony noticed Gibbs glanced up at him a few times, wondered why but the diner was busy and he didn't feel comfortable asking in public. After they left and got in the car, Tony voiced the question.

Gibbs reached over and pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror. "Look at your neck."

Tony lifted his chin to survey his neck and gasped. There were several small love bites around his neck. "Oh my God, you let me go out in public like this!" Tony started laughing and looked over at Gibbs. "How did I not notice this when I was in the bathroom?"

Gibbs wore a smirk on his face. "No idea."

"Well that explains why the waitress didn't flirt with me this time. She always flirts with me."

Gibbs chuckled. "The look on her face was priceless and you were oblivious."

"You have a couple I can see," Tony pointed out.

Gibbs smiled. "Don't care. We're not at work. On Monday though, you will need to wear a turtleneck."

"They should be faded by then," Tony said.

"I meant for the new ones you will have by then."

Tony grinned and shivered in anticipation. "Like that idea…so, we have a whole weekend to ourselves. How do you want to spend it?" Tony watched as the smirk became a grin. "Besides that." Tony laughed.

"On a day off, I usually go for a run if not too cold, run errands, do chores, work on the boat. You?"

"Run errands, watch movies, eat, sometimes hang out with Abby or Tim." Gibbs smiled but didn't answer and Tony felt the need to say something more. "So your personal life when you're alone is as boring as mine."

"What'd you think I did?"

"I always thought you had some super secret life, like a super grumpy federal agent by day and most interesting man in the world by night." Tony grinned.

Gibbs looked at him, a little puzzled, obviously not getting the reference.

"Geez Gibbs, don't you watch any TV? You never saw those commercials for the most interesting man in the world?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"I so have my work cut out for me." Tony grinned. If he was honest with himself, he was excited about the prospect of showing Gibbs all the things that made him laugh and hoped it would make him laugh too. Gibbs needed to laugh more, needed to enjoy life and not just work on a boat all the time. Not that he didn't want Gibbs to work on the boat; he knew he needed that too, but there was so much more to life.

"How about we head to my apartment so I can get a few things to take to your house for the weekend?" Tony suggested.

Gibbs smiled and nodded and headed that way.

Tony remembered that Gibbs said he hated Valentine's Day. He looked over at Gibbs who was watching the road, grateful he wasn't in such a hurry that he was driving like a crazed lunatic. Tony hadn't even needed to grab the 'oh shit' bar. He smiled a little at him. For once, Tony didn't have to plan some elaborate romantic evening. He didn't have to pretend he was totally smitten with his date of the evening. How many years had he planned in advanced just so he wouldn't be alone on Valentine's Day? He stared out the window, remembering years past for a moment. Now, he had the man he wanted who neither expected or wanted some elaborate gesture. It was freeing and chances were, he was going to get laid anyway. A smile touched the corner of his mouth. He could see it now. They'd have whatever sounded good for dinner, no muss, no fuss, then maybe work on the boat for a while or maybe watch a movie, go to bed early and…

"Your mind always in the gutter, Tony?"

Tony looked over with a start. "What?"

"That smirk on your face."

Tony laughed, his smile lighting up his face. "Wasn't exactly in the gutter; just thinking about how we might spend the evening."

"Food, boat…if you want, bed."

Tony laughed, reached over and squeezed Gibbs' thigh. "Was thinking the same thing."

Gibbs smile lit up his face and that warmed Tony's heart. He loved that smile. "You really enjoy working on the boat?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah. Working with my hands, creating something of good quality that is meant to last…shaping the wood…its creative and soothing, pride in creating something beautiful and useful."

"Huh, you really do get it."

"Thought I didn't?"

"Wasn't sure. Just…didn't seem like your kind of hobby."

"I'm open to trying new things. I wouldn't have thought about boat building if not for you but once you let me try, I could see what you saw in it."

This conversation reminded Tony that they had a lot of things to learn about each other yet. For so long, both men had kept their personal lives private - only getting glimpses into each other as the other allowed and now, they were both seeing new sides of each other. Tony took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He'd thought Gibbs knew him pretty well but his comment about it not seeming like his kind of hobby was a stark reminder that they didn't know everything, even after a decade of knowing each other. It was exciting and humbling all at the same time.

When they arrived at Tony's apartment, Gibbs came upstairs with him. Tony fed his fish and then turned to Gibbs, stepping into his space. Gibbs looked up into his face. Tony wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him in for a hug. Gibbs returned it but when Tony let him go, he was looking at him a little puzzled.

"What was that for?"

"In the car…I was thinking we had a lot to learn about each other, maybe cast off some assumptions we've made about the other, getting to know each other on a new level, not just in bed."

"Scared?" Gibbs asked, cutting to the quick.

Tony shook his head. "No, not scared. I…it's just that except when you left for Mexico alone, we've been on this parallel path, intersecting at work and sometimes outside of work but still on our own and now…it's like we're on the same road. It's…exciting and unknown but…familiar too. It's like an adventure with a good buddy, only better."

"I like the sound of that." Gibbs smiled.

"Me too."

"Working on the boat isn't exactly a romantic way to spend Valentine's Day." Gibbs watched him to gauge his reaction.

"If I'm spending it with you, it'll be the best Valentine's Day ever. And I don't even have to buy flowers."

Gibbs smiled, pulling him close again. "Happy Valentine's Day, Tony."

"You too, Jethro."

As they left the apartment, Gibbs took Tony's hand as they walked to the car. Tony looked down at their joined hands and smiled. "What happened to no PDA?"

"We're on an adventure, right? Trying something new."

Tony grinned. "Can I drive the Charger then?"

"Don't push your luck, DiNozzo."

Tony's laughter echoed off the building as they walked to the parking lot, eager to continue their adventure…together, this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the conclusion of this story. This story was my first attempt at writing explicit M/M sex and given some of the comments, it turned out better than I had hoped. Thank you for all your support and encouraging feedback.


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